Yup, I’ve been absent from my own blog for some time, which means I’ve been absent from my journey. And I deserved a gain of almost 7 pounds!!!! Shit! It’s been, well, a rocky road for a month now, with more downs than ups. Why? Can’t quite figure it out, but here are my best guesses:
1. Holiday time: it’s that time of year, with a couple of holidays neck and neck, and with the days getting colder and shorter, and in essence, darker–well, it leads to one big moodygal! I don’t really think the holidays themselves are the problem, since I’ve spent more Thanksgivings with friends than family (who really doesn’t do a big deal anyway), and I don’t celebrate Christmas. So, what’s up with that??
2. Upcoming vacation where I have to fly!!!! I hate flying and I’m stressed already!
3. It will be my cats’ birthday in a few weeks (story will be coming soon–you don’t want to miss that one!!), and I’ve been really thinking of them lately, missing them…
4. Recent tragedy for a friend that shook me up. Also reminded me how much I HATE funerals—just too emotional for me!
5. Emotional overload: Even with therapy, OA, training, etc., I still am struggling with resentment, anger, fear and acceptance. The tools that I was using at the start of my journey are either not working for me, or I am just not working them (and I don’t know why not!).
Well, that’s what’s going on lately. On the positive side (and there has to be a positive side, especially when dictated by my therapist!)
1. My sponsor has been great, and has really surprised me! I confessed that I had recently lied to her by lying to myself about recent binge episodes.
2. I’ve got some new tools to try out that I am feeling good about: writing in the mornings, using the “Step aside” prayer, meditating when possible, and closing the day with the good, bad and ugly about my day so I remember that the journey is truly one day at a time.
3. I kept my personal training sessions, and do actually feel like I’m making some progress. Oddly, while exercise has been difficult to get back into for me, these sessions–I look forward to! Thanks, Del!
4. Supporters: I’ve met some fantastic people in program, and it goes beyond the eating–they are friends!